Disturbia

Rhianna

I’ve had a rough past few days. I cried secretly and quietly alone a couple mornings. I feel like I could cry for days more, but I’ve run out of tears and my eyes hurt. The last little bit of a deployment is usually the hardest but it isn’t helping that Christmas is 8 days away, our 5^th wedding anniversary follows soon after, and it’s been 100 days since I’ve seen my husband. We’re still unsure of when we’ll be together again anyhow as I will still be working on things with The House and he is going to come join me when he can. It makes me sad to know that he will be going home to a cold, empty house. I’ve been having such a difficult time trying to get into the Christmas Spirit that I’ve decided to just give up and surrender myself to the oblivion of missing him.

We had a long IM discussion about his parents the other night. He hasn’t really said much about his conversations with them and I have left it alone until now. I was complaining up a storm about how they haven’t contacted me and recounting the sarcastic Christmas card I sent their way when he decided to tell me that he hasn’t heard from them since Thanksgiving. Okay, if your eldest son was in Baghdad how long would you put off responding to his e-mail? I feel bad when I miss him in the mornings because I slept late. What jerks! What unbelievable A-holes! Now I don’t know if I can bring myself to attend their Christmas Eve game night. I don’t trust myself to not be sarcastically rude at every turn. I mean I’m not sure that “I really appreciate the extra effort you’ve made to make me feel included during this difficult time” got the point across in the Christmas card. I might open with “Wow! I’m so glad I invited myself over tonight!” and when I hand them their gifts and they have nothing for me I might remark “well, it’s the thought that counts.” Then there will be the facial twitch I’ll develop while trying not to kill my brother-in-law for cheating at every turn, or while trying to restrain myself from punching him in the throat when he throws a toddler-worthy tantrum because he lost. And then I will owe them money when I throw my sister-in-law’s cell phone in their garbage disposal because she can’t stop texting long enough to have a real life conversation with anyone in the room. *Sigh*

I have no update on The House. I thought I would. The sales guy said they’d have new plans drawn up by the end of the day on Monday. I e-mailed him this afternoon with a no pressure “WTF?” and he said he was playing phone tag with them all day but should have something for me tomorrow. Ugh. We’ll see. I’m prepared to battle over the price. The mood I’m in lately I think I’d be ready to throw down with anyone. For everyone’s safety maybe I should lock myself in the basement for the next month. I might start cutting myself if I hear one more Christmas song about being separated for the holidays. I’m filled with so much Humbug I’ve actually been listening to Slipknot, Kittie, and the Liquid Metal station in my Jeep. Be afraid. Be very afraid.