Week 25
Gawd! 25 weeks without my man! Seriously!?! I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself in some pathetic mishap. But there are still a few weeks left for that to happen.
This week’s most pathetic moment was when I started bawling because of something on the news. My mom’s favorite fluff piece news person, Othello Richards, was interviewing people at the Medical Lake Veteran’s Cemetery where volunteers, friends, and family members of those resting there were participating in Wreaths Across America. The first person they showed was this little old lady who had just buried her husband on Monday. He was in the Air Force and they had been married for 55 years. “He died in our home. I was holding his hand.” I was a total mess after that. She was there all alone except her little dog. My heart just totally broke. My mom pointed out that at least they had 55 good years together, but it was still just so sad. She lost the love of her life and that is a pain that just doesn’t go away.
No new news about Matt’s homecoming, still no firm date but I’m definitely inside 30 days to seeing him again. I don’t think it will feel right until I have flight numbers and times. I’m starting to feel that anxiety about having him home again. There is that wonderful honeymoon period where we’re just thrilled to be together again, but it takes some time to build a new routine. I have been living on my own for 6 months, I have developed a way of doing things without him and I know I will have to keep reminding myself to let him do things when he comes home and to not expect them to be done the way that I am used to. Then there’s that awful has he changed/has she changed question. Sure, we’ve been in almost constant contact since he left but 6 months is a long time. People can develop new opinions, new personality traits, new interests in that time and there are parts of him that I will have to relearn and get to know for the first time.
His parents don’t understand. This is their first time experiencing this firsthand, so I don’t expect them to get it, but they are really bad at listening to me. I tried to explain that we won’t be making trips over Idaho for at least that first month and that we probably won’t want to have visitors for a bit either. But they just think its nonsense. Or at least his mother does. She is completely intent on recreating Christmas with him. She invited the entire family to come to our house for Secret Santa exchange and told me I have to leave all the Christmas decorations up until then. I tried to gently explain to her that there is a reason that we won’t be setting aside entire weekends for extended family, but she was already onto another topic. Matt and I will need that time to get used to each other again and basically rebuild our marriage. It’s not that he won’t want to see anyone but it is our time and it is best to not have too many obligations at once. I know that this is one of the things that most people will never understand, but it is still irritating.
So away I go again, filled with anxiety and impatience. At least Christmas is almost over.
Filed under: Daily
